Wayne Moses Burke

What is this crazy thing called love?

No. Seriously. What is that about? We all talk about it and want it and chase after it, but what is it? What is it really? Bear with me, I’ve been working on this…

I read an article recently – ok, an excerpt from a book – by a professor of literature that talked about how her life has been harmed by her excessive reading during the all-critical, socialization stage of her life. Instead of learning about relationships and how to make friends, she learned about love from Wuthering Heights, which has left her seeking love that is more important than life and outlives death – to what end? Not a happy one, in her estimation.

So here’s what I think. First of all, there are several types of love and by having only one word, we confuse ourselves. Where do you draw the lines between the love a mother has for her child, a brother and sister share, love between friends, the love that grows from having great respect for someone, that deep and abiding love that never fades, romantic love, and even universal love for all humanity? We all experience these, or some subset of them but use the same word – how confusing! So first, let’s be specific about what we’re talking about – this will help everyone out.

Naturally, the real complexity is in relationships – serious, long-term, committed relationships. I keep trying to rationalize and logically understand what romantic love is all about and I’ve decided (logically) that that is exactly where I’ve gone awry – you can’t. At the end of the day, love simply is. That’s it. Love – romantic, fall down breathless love – just is. It’s now – and it’s not tomorrow (or at least not until you get there). “I’ll love you forever” is only in this moment. Although that moment contains forever within it (funny, isn’t it? The great ironies of life – where the opposites meet? Wonderful).

So my current theory is that romantic love is only in the moment. But this isn’t bad, because that’s all that we have to work with anyway? When tomorrow comes, it will be now. You can’t plan on love, you can’t rationalize it, you can’t keep it, you can’t hold it. All you can do is enjoy it, and be with it, and live every minute as it comes to you. If you have love in your heart right now, enjoy it for the gift that it is, and if you have lost it or it has left you, enjoy it for what it was but let it go and clear your life and soul so that you may be available for next time that it comes. And in the meanwhile, enjoy the path. Without the bad, how would we know the good? Life is lived on a spectrum. We need difficult times in order to recognize the great times.

In the end, the journey is the reward and there are no right or wrong answers.

Let me know if you agree or not in the comments below.